| ah, sentimental nonsense, or a debate with one's self |
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Posted on July 10, 2006 @ 3:33 pm
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Well, closing ceremonies are tomorrow. I have my white dress, white shoes, my hair dyed red, my make-up ready, my quick supper prepared, all bathroom essentials stocked for a day of preparation. This, still feels weird? I'm going to cry tomorrow, I know it. I haven't felt the fact that I'm leaving Elmwood yet, but it's now coming down on me. How could it not? Elmwood has been what I've called home for the past 6 years. Oh sure, it's not all been happy, and I don't want to actually stay, but I want to time-warp and do it again, maybe change how I'd do a few things.
I remember coming in and being so unhappy with myself, I loathed it. I look back at myself, find there are flaws yes, but realize how much of it I exaggerated. Good lord, I was convinced that I was obese in grade 6. Obscenely so. Well I certainly am not light now by any means, in grade 6 the most I was, was curvy (yes, I had my growth spurts, major boob growth and my period before grade 6). So yes, looking back I see my faults, but strangely, I'm happy with it all, happy with where it as led me. I am happy about who I am today. I love my friends, the ones who I'm close to, the ones I just talk casually to. The ones I've tried my best to stay beside the entire time, the ones who've stayed beside mine. I still want or need to make changes, there's still things I want to do, days where I look in the mirror and feel like crying, but the next day I get past that, and move on.
I'm terrified of university, or perhaps just the future: what if I change my mind? What if I don't make any friends? What if I can't get a job during the summer(s), or even after I graduate? At the same time, I welcome it fiercely. It is time for me to move on. I chafe being restricted in my household, at Elmwood sometimes I just want to give the school the middle finger and do what I like. However, in the same way that my household is still "mine," and "beloved," so is Elmwood. I know both of those thoughts gradually will waft away, as times erode memory, or other places become dear. But at the moment, it is what I hold onto.
The idea that even when I leave, even when I'm forgotten by the school, by old friends, by younger students, by the places that I once was in about 10 hours a day, that it will all still be with me, that even if its all forgotten, there's the sense of Elmwood engrained deep within.
So even if that whole idea is cheesy or corny, I think it's what I'll keep with me. If only to stop myself from crying on the shoulders of people that I know might be the last time I see them, or even if it is not, the last time I truly connect with people that I saw every day, some of which could almost certainly be called my stalkers and fangirls.
PS. Icon to match the layout, finally!
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Posted on August 31, 2004 @ 12:33 pm
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R-U-L-E-S
1. Please tell me if you are going to take any!
2. Credit would be nice...
3. Make a comment and I'll give you the blanks. ^^
Mucho from Icontests. Underworld caps from Eowyn797, GS caps from the official website, GS 3 caps by volatilecaps.
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Mostly Re-Done GS Icons (i posted the originals in an earlier post, this is me trying again at the bases, and exploring screen : P)
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01 Eclectic_Chorus Challenge ('everytime the truth gets broken I'm the one to fix it')
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01 Shippericontest Challenge ('a one way ticket to endless sorrow'
01.  02.  ( 2 more )
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Posted on July 28, 2004 @ 7:58 pm
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R-U-L-E-S
1. Please tell me if you are going to take any!
2. Credit would be nice...
3. Make a comment and I'll give you the blanks. ^^
Um... splurge? ^^;;
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LotR(icontest entries)
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Random Icontest Entries
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Elephant Icons
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Alias Icons
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DN Angel Icons
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toxikos's journal
annoyed
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80.
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artistic
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complacent
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groggy
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accomplished
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